Exquisite Pain

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When I feel the least like Praising God is when I need to do it the Most. When I am hurting, confused and cannot get a grip on the next moment in life due to to circumstances around me, I can become self absorbed and forget everything I know about my own faith.

God has allowed me to be hit by a hammer several times in my life, and I have seen many people also be hit by that same hammer, everything from death, illness, brain deceases, sick children, children with cancer, brain tumors, Alzheimer’s, and the list goes on and on.

Some people have said that God has completed the measure of this life or that, and I suppose it is true, we do not know what the measure of a life is, how long an illness will last, or how long I may live if….if…if….

Others will say God has a plan in this and this hardship is going to bring you so many blessings. I think they have a pretty Rosie life and have not been hit with a hammer yet. Of course what does not phase me may send you hurling, non of us know how strong or fragile we are until we have been hit.

God wants to hear us sing in the midst of our storms, he wants to hear our anger, fear, hurt, lack of understanding, he is a big God he can take it, he knows how we feel before we say it, he knows we need to admit all of it, humbleness in the night time, in the morning, in my day, I must not lean on my own understanding, I must not try to understand the ways of God, I must only remember his promises to me.

He will not leave me,  I am still here in my earthly tent, subject to suffering, illness and death. And so are those who live around me in my community, if my family, in my church, and in my heart.

Some believe that God allows us to become ill to draw us closer to himself, it is the sweet call of the Lord God, so we come to a better more personal relationship with our Lord Jesus. When our loved ones, friends family become ill, it could be an opportunity to know God. Personally I do not believe God causes it, I do believe he allows all things, even our free will and the consequences of that will.

All of us will suffer one way or another in our lifetime, how, when, where, or why may never have an answer that makes since to us or our loved ones, however there is one absolute thing I know for sure. I am not alone. Whatever comes my way, Jesus is here with me.

My troubles turned out all for the best—they forced me to learn from your textbook. Psalm 119:71

Everything was created through him: nothing—not one thing!— came into being without him. John1;3 TM

By the grace of God people have come and gone in my life, without the grace of his allowing there existence I would not know the exquisite pain of loss.

I would not have known them, I would not have known they were not here anymore, I would not have exquisite pain.

I cannot tell you that I would run out and look for this exquisiteness as a choice, however for today I will trust that God knows what I need to experiance in my lifetime to serve him well.

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