The Unforced Rhythms of Grace

IMG_1087How do you grieve someone you were not allowed to know?

Everyday we see a new list of people in the paper that died, either naturally or un-naturally and because we do not know them we feel nothing. Have you ever been fascinated enough with the unknown dead to read their obituary? Sometimes I am and I am often fascinated how often someone I know is hurting, when I see them listed as a family member or friend.

Over the loss’ in my life I have always heard statements like give it time you will have closure, you will feel better, it will get better. Those saying these things have never, ever lived them, or else they were convinced by those empty words, enough that they allowed that simple Psycology justification for moving on. And the world always moves on, weather you do or not. And other times you think you moved on, and you hear the song, have the memories, another birthday passes bye, they only way it is ever really closed is when we are all dead and there is no folklore left of who we were. Easier sometimes, gone not really.

I remember when I was nine and my brother died, everyone was so tragic about it all. They took me and my sisters to see his little dead body, explained nothing about death, and when us kids talked about what we saw, we were scalded and yelled at for talking about it, it was not right to talk about the dead.

My brother was the special one he was a 3 year old boy, fifth child, after four girls, we knew we were nothing, we had been told plenty, the real hell to pay was the young prodigal son would never grow up, and growing up would be hell for the rest of us because he didn’t. And it was.

The wreckage was only drift would at the first death, the third laid in a coma for 2.5 years after being hit by another driver before dying in the living room, the second father, hung himself in the shed that we used as a playhouse. The forth skipped school, took a couple of neighboring twins along, played chicken with a semi and killed all three of them at the end of a bottle. The third father mysteriously died and his stuff was burning before the coroner arrived. The forth sibling stepped in front of a train, a bit of flare for the unimaginable again, Mother really didn’t notice. It was those of us who lived that became the casualty’s and hostages.

Who needs a doctor?

Back in the boat,Jesus and the disciples recrossed the sea to Jesus’ home town. They were hardly out of the boat when some men carried a paraplegic on a stretcher and set him down in front of them. Jesus, impressed by their bold belief, said to the paraplegic, “cheer up, son. I forgive your sins.” Some religion scholars whispered, “why, that’s blasphemy!” Matthew 9: 1-4

I was fortunate being the oldest grandchild, because my grandparents knew me, they took great interest in shielding me and keeping from the craziness, taking me to Dumas weekends and school nights whenever possible, they knew as they watched, we were submitted to sickness and resentments so unhealthy they could barely watch, we needed a doctor.

Their hands were tied past day to day care. The parents were in every since of the words, selfish, destructive and riotous, against themselves and there children. One died and they tortured the rest, a day at a time. And they were clueless of the destruction that followed.

My mother seemed to enjoy the attention she received from her children and husbands dying, 4 children and 3 of 4 husbands, my father escaped, his children did not.

He was forced to Vietnam, (she tried to get him too.) his resentment of her left the rest of us in prison. He complained the most and ended up with the best pension, I guess that was his silver lining. No matter what happened in the minds of my parents, I can assure you that only their children were their hostages.

Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: “I’m after mercy, not religion, “I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders,” Matthew 9:12-13.

So many times I heard my grandma say, there is just sicknesses no one can do anything about. There is just something terribly wrong, I guess us humans can’t, but God through Christ can.

The wreckage I remember living though was purely and completely un-necessary negligence, and God has used their bad for my good and yours, if you enjoy this blog, however, from where I lived, It never ever felt happy, joyful, or free.

But I cannot tell you what goes on inside the emotions, actions, and conscience of the person who believes their choices do not hurt or effect anyone else. They most certainly do.

Jesus repeatedly gives me mercy and I feel that, I cannot say if these people who still live today feel mercy also, they may, they may be sorry, they may not, they may hope in the Lord, they may not. I do not know but he know’s who needs a doctor. I do know that I only want the peace for others that I seek for myself.

Matthew 11:25-26

Abruptly Jesus broke into prayer: “Thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth. You’ve concealed your ways from sophisticates and know-it-alls, but spelled them out clearly to ordinary people. Yes, Father, that’s the way you like to work.”

Hurting people, simply live their life hurting others, they often, if not always live under the delusion that no one knows, or understands their truth, that’s why when they are caught in a snare they are always so surprised. They are spelled out by ordinary people. For those who seek the Lord our God, more is always revealed.

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